So ... after my last blog post about not holding oneself back and about actually following through, I was triggered.
Suddenly, all the tools I’d shared for changing or accomplishing something disappeared from my realm of awareness. What took their place? The devil of comparison, Liz the Perfectionist and Liz the People-Pleaser. Whew, what a trio!
Lately, it’s like a wellspring of inspiration on ways to change the world is erupting within me, and I’m an idealistic 22-year-old fresh out of university armed with tenacity and idealistic visions all over again, which is great, but which has also lent me to overwhelm and paralysis. With all the excitement and adrenaline coursing through me, I set myself up for a series of highs and lows.
I wasn’t sure where to start. I wasn’t sure if I was the person for the job. I wasn’t sure if I could do it all or if anyone would care. I was becoming so intensely self-aware that it was beginning to cripple my own growth and communications, both personally and professionally. You see, I’ve been so hesitant to have a voice that upsets people and so distracted by marketing my work or by chasing ideas that I haven’t actually been sharing the work. Talkin’ the talk but not walkin’ the walk, you might say.
After a few weeks of riding these waves of inspiration then burnout and self-doubt, I saw the source of the current: I have been afraid of being seen, of being heard. I have been afraid of commitment - to myself, to others, to a specific vision. I’ve been playing an elaborate game of hide-and-go-seek, but not really wanting to be found.
I’m telling you, that people-pleaser-comparison-perfectionist trifecta I mentioned earlier likes to plant some serious B.S. in my mind.
Without weaving things artfully together into a beautiful metaphor to offer my conclusion, I will simply say that my energetic, emotional and financial stagnation has reached a breaking point. And the B.S. fear-based queries above have grown tired. I, like many others, simply need to start doing now, one step at a time, little by little. And I’m doing that right now, today. I’m sharing this piece of writing that isn’t particularly eloquent, poetic or what I’d deem my finest work because I know I need to speak up and step into the fear zone with full transparency. I know I need to show up and implement - which is why I also work with a coach myself and which is why I’m reaching out to other change-makers to collaborate on new work and to help hold me accountable and push me to grow.
Yes, our visions will evolve.
Yes, things will go in directions we never imagined.
Yes, sometimes it will be magical and wonderful, and sometimes it will be downright shitty and difficult.
Yes, we will piss some people off and, yes, we will delight and inspire others.
But we will be living fully. We will not be hidden or stifled. And our personal work will contribute to greater more widespread changes.
Speaking up, showing up, implementing. Are you with me? Because we can’t do this alone, that I know. If you’re a visionary, or heck, a human (because we’re all visionaries, really; it comes with the territory of our divine life) and are ready to transform, let’s talk. I'm doing the work, won't you join me?
Note: you may see some changes to my site in coming weeks describing some of the fun ways my work is continuing to evolve and some of the online resources and in-person events that are unfolding. Keep watchin’!